Preparing for a New Beginning

So, I didn’t make my goal of a full month without eating out. I suppose I could have if I’d pushed myself even just a little bit to not go for any of those comfort foods. But, I didn’t and honestly I don’t feel too badly about it. I have bigger things on my mind.

A few weeks back I went to see a new neurologist in Wilmar. He was awful. While some of the staff were nice, others seemed to really be unhappy about being at work and treated patients like a bother they had to deal with. I felt really disrespected and not listened to. He prescribed a new medication and told me to come back in January. I thought about it further after I left and decided it was the wrong choice. But, I had to do something. I couldn’t just quit taking my medication, though I had lowered the dose, and I had to see some neurologist somewhere. So, I took advantage of having good insurance and I took the big leap. I called the Mayo Clinic in Rochester. I was surprised to get an appointment pretty quickly. I’m going in at the end of the month.

I’ve had at least three tonic-clonic seizures since August. That’s a lot for me. I usually have a couple months between seizures. I’ve been jerking a lot in recent weeks too. I can’t handle the same level of medications that I used too. I’m trying to, but find I can’t focus, don’t remember things, am just grumpy, and have a dull headache.

I am looking forward to going to Mayo. I know I don’t have a lot of options. I’ve taken 4 different medications now which means a new medication isn’t likely to work. Mayo is known though for being on the forefront of epilepsy research. They are the best in the world, leading the way in surgery, new medicines, and other treatments.

I am finding myself both hoping and fearing the possibility of having a chance at surgery. It feels like it could be a new beginning. I still have a few weeks to wait and don’t know what to do besides just continuing to think about it because I don’t seem to have any other choice, and continuing to write my list of hopes and goals and questions, and being open to ideas.

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