It’s been over a week now since Madison police killed Corey Ruiz at the corner of Williamson and Baldwin streets. The vigil honoring the life of Ruiz and all the victims of police violence has continued to block the corner since then. There are many feelings arising in the neighborhood and the city. Being that I’ve been recovering from surgery all week I’ve not gotten to spend much time at the vigil, or anywhere else beyond my apartment for that matter, but still my inner organizer/activist is feeling the need to grapple with some questions and thoughts. I can only hope that my writing might help some others dig deeper into their own hearts and minds as well.

I find myself wondering what would justice look like? We can’t bring Corey or any of the many other victims back to life. We can’t make the lives of those killed by the police better. We can’t change their situation in life now. It’s done. They are gone.

But, they did live and by that mere fact they deserve to be remembered in some way, as we all do. Coming together in mourning of their passing and celebration of the fact that they lived is important. But, I think of the many cultures who don’t speak the name of those who’ve passed, who don’t hang their photos, or continue to gather in their memory once they are sent on their way. Many cultures believe that such actions that hold tight to the person lost prevent their soul from reaching their final glory. I wonder how we can let Corey reach his final glory? Is the vigil still honoring him and others or is it holding them back?

What do we seek? Flowers and drawings and monuments are beautiful, but do they assure that no one else will experience the same end?

I keep remembering an old friend of mine who some years ago was suffering from some significant, untreated mental health issues. We were at a meeting together when he stabbed someone in the chest. Thankfully, the wound wasn’t life threatening. More thankfully, everyone in that room recognized the stabbing wasn’t a crime. It was a result of illness and things not working in life for a person. No one saw a criminal. We saw someone who needed care and support. I am thankful that my friend was able to get that care and support to allow him to address his illness and get his life back on track.

Corey, and so many more in Madison and everywhere, face life challenges whether that be mental health issues, joblessness, homelessness, poverty, or so many other issues that we, as a community, need to change if we are to expect any different outcomes. Yes, we need to police the police. Yes, it’s important to expect only the best from our law enforcement officers. But really, that’s all slogans and slogans don’t mean much. What I’m wondering is what happens when the vigil space is taken down? Who is committing themselves to living lives that change us all for the better? We’re not going to get any answers this week or next. Even if laws change, the world won’t unless we operate every day in ways that live out what we believe is right. Vigils and protests are important, but what’s really important is the work that goes on in the day to day. It’s those times when we can see the person and what has made them. That’s where the change will happen.

I saw a post somewhere recently making a comparison between the vigil at Willy and Baldwin to the Montgomery Bus Boycott. I just shook my head. Rosa Parks sitting on the bus didn’t just happen. She was a trained and well prepared activist working with others who’d been fighting segragation for years before that fateful day. She didn’t win anything that day either. It took 381 days for the busses to finally be technically desegrated and generations more for the White and Black people to even start to really come together. The road is long and it is hard. Now, how can we travel forward?