Tag: mental health

Thoughts onVigils, Protests, and Movement Forward

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It’s been over a week now since Madison police killed Corey Ruiz at the corner of Williamson and Baldwin streets. The vigil honoring the life of Ruiz and all the victims of police violence has continued to block the corner since then. There are many feelings arising in the neighborhood and the city. Being that I’ve been recovering from surgery all week I’ve not gotten to spend much time at the vigil, or anywhere else beyond my apartment for that matter, but still my inner organizer/activist is feeling the need to grapple with some questions and thoughts. I can only hope that my writing might help some others dig deeper into their own hearts and minds as well.

I find myself wondering what would justice look like? We can’t bring Corey or any of the many other victims back to life. We can’t make the lives of those killed by the police better. We can’t change their situation in life now. It’s done. They are gone.

But, they did live and by that mere fact they deserve to be remembered in some way, as we all do. Coming together in mourning of their passing and celebration of the fact that they lived is important. But, I think of the many cultures who don’t speak the name of those who’ve passed, who don’t hang their photos, or continue to gather in their memory once they are sent on their way. Many cultures believe that such actions that hold tight to the person lost prevent their soul from reaching their final glory. I wonder how we can let Corey reach his final glory? Is the vigil still honoring him and others or is it holding them back?

What do we seek? Flowers and drawings and monuments are beautiful, but do they assure that no one else will experience the same end?

I keep remembering an old friend of mine who some years ago was suffering from some significant, untreated mental health issues. We were at a meeting together when he stabbed someone in the chest. Thankfully, the wound wasn’t life threatening. More thankfully, everyone in that room recognized the stabbing wasn’t a crime. It was a result of illness and things not working in life for a person. No one saw a criminal. We saw someone who needed care and support. I am thankful that my friend was able to get that care and support to allow him to address his illness and get his life back on track.

Corey, and so many more in Madison and everywhere, face life challenges whether that be mental health issues, joblessness, homelessness, poverty, or so many other issues that we, as a community, need to change if we are to expect any different outcomes. Yes, we need to police the police. Yes, it’s important to expect only the best from our law enforcement officers. But really, that’s all slogans and slogans don’t mean much. What I’m wondering is what happens when the vigil space is taken down? Who is committing themselves to living lives that change us all for the better? We’re not going to get any answers this week or next. Even if laws change, the world won’t unless we operate every day in ways that live out what we believe is right. Vigils and protests are important, but what’s really important is the work that goes on in the day to day. It’s those times when we can see the person and what has made them. That’s where the change will happen.

I saw a post somewhere recently making a comparison between the vigil at Willy and Baldwin to the Montgomery Bus Boycott. I just shook my head. Rosa Parks sitting on the bus didn’t just happen. She was a trained and well prepared activist working with others who’d been fighting segragation for years before that fateful day. She didn’t win anything that day either. It took 381 days for the busses to finally be technically desegrated and generations more for the White and Black people to even start to really come together. The road is long and it is hard. Now, how can we travel forward?

Meeting the Moment and Inspirations To Act

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The author reflects on their journey as an activist, highlighting impactful moments and mentors. Memories of witnessing hardship in their community, including barn fires and cancer’s toll, shaped their passion for change. Influential figures, such as Walt Bresette and Frannie VanZile, inspired them to advocate for future generations and empower communities.

Getting Hit in School

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I got hit in the face this past week. I’m a special education teacher these days, so in my current line of work while that’s unexpected it’s also very much expected. It’s basically just a bad day at work.

Over the past few years I’ve been hit, kicked, shoved, scratched, bitten, sworn at, threatened, had desks, chairs, and all sorts of other stuff thrown at me, and dealt with and been covered in just about every bodily fluid elementary school students can excrete, not to mention being covered in all the globs of macaroni and cheese or whatever other food is on the menu. So, why note getting hit? It wasn’t a bad punch. It knocked off my glasses, but didn’t break them or even leave a physical mark. It was one of those hits that came at the wrong time though and for that moment I broke into tears.

It happens to all of us who work in our schools today, especially in schools like mine that serve significant populations of students who are from low income families, struggle with maintaining housing and paying their bills, and who often have generations of history that tell them school success isn’t meant for them. Eventually, our hearts break.

I felt the tears come to my eyes as soon as the student’s hand hit my cheek. I knew I needed support to address the situation, so I called on a staff member in the hall nearby to takeover and I walked as quickly as I could to the office space I share with the other special education teachers at my school. I was crumbling. I was a broken mirror in which each of my colleagues could see themselves. One went to get ice and a health care staff person to check my cheek. The others each offered support and let me cry out my tears. They created a safe space for me for which I will always be thankful.

The hit hurt not because of the hand that landed on my cheek, but because I’d spent my day, like more and more days lately, trying to help not only this student but others, my students who simply don’t have the emotional skills to handle being homeless or dealing with any other horrendous and unfair situations they and their families are in. So often their emotions fly all over. One moment they seem to be fine, calm and settled. The next they’re screaming and throwing chairs. It worsens as their life situations become more chaotic and all I can do so often is just try to be that steady safe person they can trust. That can be good and it can be hard. After all, I’m the one they know won’t hit back. They can show their anger, fear, and sorrow, and it hurts.

It’s tiring. I don’t know how to change the situation in our schools, but I do know it can’t go on like this. I took a day off to just take care of myself before coming back to help my kids again. That helped me for the moment and gave me the strength I needed to give to these kids again, but it’s no solution. We ultimately have to stop focusing on teaching subjects and start focusing on teaching and caring for kids. There has to be a way. These beautiful kids deserve the best.

2026- A New Response to the Happiness Project

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Last January, I leapt in to my New Year’s resolutions with vigor and excitement, focused on four areas- creativity, spirit, health, and connection. I had just read Gretchin Rubin’s book, “The Happiness Project” and decided to take on my own happiness project. I was excited to see where the project would take me and who I would become.

This time around I’m walking into the new year both tired and comfortable, but still with a fire that burns like the end of an incense stick. It’s small, but glowing, smoking, filling the whole room with a joyful, warm scent making the space come alive. I’m worn from the year at work. Special education is one of the toughest careers I’ve taken on in a life of many changes. I left school this year for winter break only to get hit by the flu. Between being sick and just being wiped out from teaching, most of my break was spent either sleeping or just laying low in my apartment trying to regain my energy.

I still love that idea of the Happiness Project. I gained a lot from it over the past year, building my meditation practice, reminding myself of the importance of balance, encouraging myself to pull out my art supplies, and learning that when fun becomes work it often fails to be fun anymore.

This year is special because it is the year that I am as old as my mother ever was. If I am lucky enough to keep on keeping on, I will have seen more years than she ever did. That seems so strange to me. She was so much older and wiser than I could ever dream to be, yet here I am. It seems something to celebrate and reflect on as it is both beautiful and confusing.

So, what do this year’s resolutions look like? How do I grow in gratitude and happiness? How do I come to know the woman who raised me and honor her existance?

I expect that a lot will continue from this past year. I’ll keep building my meditation practice. I’ll keep encouraging myself to delve deeper into my arts. This year I’ll be working on my children’s book “The Magic Blanket,” a story of my mother’s passing. It will be my first book and, with luck, maybe not my last. I’ll keep seeking balance in life, finding those ways to get out and play, not allowing myself to get to caught in my work life, and continuing to honor the life I’ve been given with good food, exercise, play, song, and celebration.

It doesn’t have the same structure and I won’t be tracking my progress in a detailed, daily way, but it’s written now so I have a place to come back to, to see if I’m doing what I’ve wanted to and to hold myself accountable. What are you seeking in the year coming?

What Happens to Hungry Kids?

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My work for social justice for the past few years has largely been working in special education. It looks a lot different than my days running non-profits or organizing on the streets, but ultimately the same questions are there. It’s always about recognizing the underlying issues if we want to find the long term answers.

Because of the federal government shut down SNAP is running out. Millions of people will be losing the benefits that make it possible for them to feed themselves and their families on November 1st. Many states are jumping in to hold off the crash and to keep people fed.

As a teacher at a school that serve many families that receive SNAP benefits, I’m wondering what’s going to happen. How long will states be able to keep their finger in the dike to stop the hunger flood? What will be cut from those state budgets to make it possible to keep the families fed?

Mostly, I find myself asking what happens not only in the loss of SNAP but in the fear of the loss? When families are in that spot of having to choose whether to buy food or pay rent, which will they choose? So many families are already making tough choices to make ends meet and it impacts our kids far beyond the dinner table. Families are choosing between buying food or paying for gas. When they can’t keep gas in the car, kids don’t get to school. In many schools this means that not only are they losing out on their education, but they’ve also missed out on breakfast, lunch, and probably a snack which they were entitled to via free and reduced meal programs. It’s an awful circle. Not enough money for food and gas, so buy gas, then no food at home so skip eating from lunch until the next day. Buy food and well, can’t get to school and parents can’t get to work.

I wonder how our attendance rates will be affected in upcoming weeks with tightening budgets and already stressed parents facing yet another strain making it more and more to keep themselves together and get their kids to school. I wonder how behaviors will change. Kids are ultimately mirrors of the stresses in their parents’ lives.

How to we amplify the voices of these kids and their families so that those in Washington can hear them? How do we make their struggle visible? How do we take this moment in time of losing SNAP and point to where it leads us with kids going hungry, struggling in school, struggling in life, and just not going anywhere?

Three Months In, What Have I Learned?

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I read Gretchin Rubin’s bood “The Happiness Project” last fall and it inspired me to start my own happiness project in 2025. As we move into spring, I’m proud to say that its still going strong.

In January, I started the project by dedicating 15 minutes a day to creative time, 15 minutes to meditation, and 15 minutes to stretching using Qi Gong, yoga, or other similar exercises to open mind, body, and spirit. What I’ve learned is that it’s okay to sometimes skip a day to not let these gifts become a chore. It’s important that each is seen as a gift and celebration in and of my life in order for me to stay committed and keep growing with them. Now, after just over three months I feel steady starting each day with my meditation time and ending each day with creative time and a brief stretch before settling into bed. These tools have become something to look forward to. I feel my body opening up and have seen that I’m calmer and slower to grow frustrated with the stressors in my life. It’s easier to work each day at school with those kids who are struggling in so many ways. I am really thankful for settling into these habits in this time of societal upset. I think they’re a big part of keeping my balance.

In February, I added a new goal. I decided I’d been watching too much tv so I opted for two days a week without any. Some weeks I succeeded and some I didn’t. What I learned though was that operating from a perspective of denial made me grumpy with myself and I didn’t like it. I found myself questioning- why am I doing this? It wasn’t something I could look forward to.

As we move into April, my goals are changing. I’ve decided that meditation, stretching, and creative time are settling in as habits. I can move forward with these. Denying myself tv time on its own just doesn’t feel good, so I’m letting it go though I expect that my new goals may just help me cut my tv time from a more positive perspective. I’ve opted to add in three new goals. For the next three months or so, I’ll be working on getting out to spend additional time playing outside in natural areas hiking, boating, biking or otherwise just being at least twice a month, making music at least two ours a week, and reading for pleasure at least 15 minutes a day.

So far my new goals have been going great. Walking along Lake Mendota with my dog yesterday was fantastic. I love the water! Revisiting the “Chronicles of Narnia” which I read in my youth has been lots of fun as has listening to “The Hobbit” which perhaps surprisingly I’ve never read before though I saw the movie. My dog has handled me getting out my old flute very well and getting together with friends for a weekly singing circle always brings a smile to my face.

It all reminds me how important balance is. I know I am a person who so easily gets sucked up by my work and needs to be intentional. Happiness 2025 is really helping.

What are you doing to find and maintain your joy?

What Happens on April 6th?

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The energies are building and it is fantastic. People will be gathering in small towns and large cities around the world on April 5th to protect democracy in the US. For someone who’s been working on social and environmental justice issues since the 90’s, it’s exciting to see.

It’s always great to see these times when the big rallies happen, drawing everyone from the babies in strollers to the elders with walkers. These gatherings are important for many reasons. They are a way to let those in political power know that we’re here and what we expect of them. They are also a tool to educate the public as well as to share ideas amongst our fellow activists. Perhaps most importantly, they are a space in which to make connections and build our community. Which brings me to that question of what happens on April 6th?

After this upcoming day of action we will be in a completely different world and yet nothing will have changed. Large scale protests can both empower and disappoint when we wake up the next day and find there is no immediate answer. If we look at history, we learn that while the marches and rallies were what we shown through the media, it was the months and years of work between those marches and rallies that made the huge changes.

I encourage us to be prepared for that feeling of empowerment and dismay after the rally and to talk with our fellow protestors about what will we do after the rallies to create the society that we believe in. Note that I’m not saying simply to stop our current administration, but to create the society that we believe in. How do we create community and connect with eachother?

Maybe for some of us it is continuing to write our legislators for others it may be running for office. Some will start community gardens or coordinate infoshops to create spaces for people to come together growing food and sharing resources. Maybe a few will develop training programs to teach people how to do community organizing or coordinate educational events to share the stories of the many great grassroots organizers and activists who’ve come before us so that we might learn from them. There is so much to be done. There is a role for everyone.

How do you figure out what your role is? I’ve been doing this work for a long time and I don’t always know, but there is a story that might help. Many Native tribes in the US speak of the seventh generation. My friend Walt, an Anishanaabe man from the Red Cliff reservation on the shores of Lake Superior, used to speak of it in this way. He’d tell people to imagine yourself looking down a long tunnel, at the end of that tunnel is a baby. That baby is the seventh generation. If you do what is right for that child seven generations from now, you’ll be doing what is right for today.

How are you continuing to be a part of the movement and growing community where you are?