The key piece of becoming an author is writing, or so I am told. So, here I am writing. There are ideas that seem to be stuck somewhere deep in the muck of my brain and maybe even deeper in the mush of my heart and soul, but they are there- stuck. Meanwhile, I am digging through the layers and laying out what comes out in hopes that some of it finds value in the light of the page.
It’s a good tool to understand and care for myself. I stepped away from my blog for a few months this year as I started a new job. The role that I took on in my workplace was a tough one, a young non-profit organization in a period of rapid growth, I was the first staff person. The job was really one for at least two people, but I took it on in my spirit of adventure with a bit of hero thrown in. I set down my blog and my drawing pencils and pretty quickly found my number of seizures increasing, my anxiety rising, and my self-esteem dropping in a really difficult position with an organization that has a good dream, but doesn’t have a structure to support that dream yet.
Thankfully, over the years I’ve learned enough about myself to also recognize when I needed to take the risk to step away. I made the big decision to leave that job that had me struggling away for 50-60 hours a week trying to build an organization without team support. I’m transitioning out now and in the process of finding my next role. That process of finding the next role, not knowing what is coming up is in some way stressful, but it feels so much better. I’ve picked up my blog again. I’ve picked up my pencils. Last night I spent several hours working on a drawing from a dream the night before. I found myself fully focused, thinking about nothing, but shading and how the design was forming without being pushed by me. It’s not a question of me creating the picture, but of me asking the picture where the shading belongs, where I ought to put the pencil to fill in what needs to be there. It is simply working with the paper rather than trying to tell the paper what to do.
These things are a beautiful meditative practice for me, whether writing or drawing or even painting. They are important to my well-being to allow these things to just process through me. I never cease to be amazed at what comes out. I hope that you can find your meditation today, allow your art to process through and learn a bit more of who you are. Wishing you a joyful day.