Category: mental health

Three Months In, What Have I Learned?

· Leave a comment ·

I read Gretchin Rubin’s bood “The Happiness Project” last fall and it inspired me to start my own happiness project in 2025. As we move into spring, I’m proud to say that its still going strong.

In January, I started the project by dedicating 15 minutes a day to creative time, 15 minutes to meditation, and 15 minutes to stretching using Qi Gong, yoga, or other similar exercises to open mind, body, and spirit. What I’ve learned is that it’s okay to sometimes skip a day to not let these gifts become a chore. It’s important that each is seen as a gift and celebration in and of my life in order for me to stay committed and keep growing with them. Now, after just over three months I feel steady starting each day with my meditation time and ending each day with creative time and a brief stretch before settling into bed. These tools have become something to look forward to. I feel my body opening up and have seen that I’m calmer and slower to grow frustrated with the stressors in my life. It’s easier to work each day at school with those kids who are struggling in so many ways. I am really thankful for settling into these habits in this time of societal upset. I think they’re a big part of keeping my balance.

In February, I added a new goal. I decided I’d been watching too much tv so I opted for two days a week without any. Some weeks I succeeded and some I didn’t. What I learned though was that operating from a perspective of denial made me grumpy with myself and I didn’t like it. I found myself questioning- why am I doing this? It wasn’t something I could look forward to.

As we move into April, my goals are changing. I’ve decided that meditation, stretching, and creative time are settling in as habits. I can move forward with these. Denying myself tv time on its own just doesn’t feel good, so I’m letting it go though I expect that my new goals may just help me cut my tv time from a more positive perspective. I’ve opted to add in three new goals. For the next three months or so, I’ll be working on getting out to spend additional time playing outside in natural areas hiking, boating, biking or otherwise just being at least twice a month, making music at least two ours a week, and reading for pleasure at least 15 minutes a day.

So far my new goals have been going great. Walking along Lake Mendota with my dog yesterday was fantastic. I love the water! Revisiting the “Chronicles of Narnia” which I read in my youth has been lots of fun as has listening to “The Hobbit” which perhaps surprisingly I’ve never read before though I saw the movie. My dog has handled me getting out my old flute very well and getting together with friends for a weekly singing circle always brings a smile to my face.

It all reminds me how important balance is. I know I am a person who so easily gets sucked up by my work and needs to be intentional. Happiness 2025 is really helping.

What are you doing to find and maintain your joy?

From Broken to Owning Happiness

· Leave a comment ·

I think it was sometime early in college when I first got the label “borderline depression.” I wonder if there’s anything worse healthcare can do so simply and in such an offhand way for someone who’s dealing with feeling down than giving them labels like that? It took a long time to get over the labeling. Sometimes I still feel its hurt. The label told me I was broken and unfixable. It echoed what I was feeling at the time, that I was less than and unworthy.

There is much that I have to be thankful for that got me past that label western medicine dropped on me and brought me to this point where I own my happiness and can take on things like the happiness project that I’m doing this year. Back in my teens and twenties I went through some tough times when I could find no reason in myself to keep going. I had to look outside. I’m alive today because of my nieces and nephews. They were all kids back then. As someone who’d lost people in my life as a child, I knew how much it hurt. No matter how much living hurt for me then I couldn’t die because it would hurt them even more. I couldn’t do that to them. I say this because I know there are others out there who are going through what I went through then. When we’re hurting and can’t see the beauty and joy in ourselves sometimes it’s okay to let the beauty and joy of others be our safety net to support us as we rebuild and find our balance. It is good to recognize our interconnection. It’s good to remember that in hurting ourselves we hurt those who truly love us. In healing ourselves we bring joy to those who love us too.

I share my story too because it’s not over. People have good times and lousy times. Stress impacts us all and sometimes we get worn. In recent months I’ve been noticing that the combination of middle-age, a stressful career in special education in a high needs community, the political situation in the US, and the impacts of epilepsy and epilepsy treatment have all been wrapping me up and some days wearing me down.

I’m really appreciating my 2025 Happiness Project. I think it’s been key to keeping me going. I’ve noticed that I’m not angry as much. I calm quicker. I can empathize more often. I’ll be making some changes to it in April. Meditation and daily stretching seem to be becoming a regular habit that don’t need to be listed as goals anymore. I will keep doing at least 15 minutes of meditation and a few minutes of qi gong or other stretching daily, but will give myself space for some new goals. I will keep creative time as a goal. Right now I’m deciding if I might increase the amount of time I’ll commit daily. I started with 15 minutes daily, but often find myself doing more. I’ll also keep a goal of cutting out television at least two days a week.

I’ll add one or two new goals in April. I’m still deciding what those might be. Will I focus on getting out and connecting more? Maybe I should commit to singing every day? Would I like to commit to other writing projects, daily reading, or maybe something else? There are many ideas floating about. We’ll see what comes to fruition. In any case, I think I can be proud. I’ve come a long way from those days of not finding any joy in myself to seeing the many options for growing joy.

How are you growing your joy? You are worthy. Joy is there. What do you want to do to feed it and grow it and bring it to your life?

The Happiness Project Marches On

· Leave a comment ·

Consistently posting about my happiness project 2025 continues to be a challenge. Just a week after my last post I got hit with one of the more intense seizures that I’ve had in the last few years which opened the door to getting sick. Add to that the simple reality that February in an elementary school is one of the most wearing months for kids and staff with cold weather, long days, and sniffling noses all around and I’ve been just worn out!

I am thankful though that I started this happiness project this year. I think it’s played an important role in getting me through the stress and darkness that is February and is helping me see the light ahead as we march in March.

Due to my seizure early in the month and the days of illness and recovery that followed I missed nearly a week of recording my progress toward my goals and, quite honestly, likely missed much of my daily efforts to in favor of just sleeping. Still, I came out strong. I only recorded three days that I went completely without watching any television though I think there were one or two more during my two weeks of illness and seizure recovery time. I also successfully met my stretching goal on 14 days, meditated on 18, and did my dedicated creative time on 16 days. Again, these are just the days that I recorded and I missed 5 days of recording because I was just too exhausted from my seizure, work, and illness.

I feel pretty good about what I’ve accomplished so far and it’s helped me just feel good. I’ve picked up my knitting again, finished a hat, and am nearly done with a gift for someone special to me. Stepping away from the tv has allowed me to quiet my mind and let myself heal from the challenges each day working in special education brings. I am reminded how the screen acts as a drug. It only numbs the brain for a moment, but the stress is still there and comes back stronger all the time. Turning off the screen lets me turn down my brain and let that stress out. It heals me.

So far March is starting strong. I missed meditation on the first two days, but I’ve also had a couple days already without any television and I’ve been spending more time outside taking longer walks. It all balances out. This project is reminding me daily to keep an eye on how I am treating myself and encouraging me to take the best care of me that I can. How are you treating yourself? How can you take the best care of you possible? Wishing you all the best in the spring to come!

Happiness Project 2025- Starting February

· Leave a comment ·

Okay, so I’m not doing so great at getting a post out to my blog at least once a week to update the world on the status of my happiness project. Maybe that’s okay. Maybe every two weeks or so will be just fine for the updates. What does matter, at least to me and I suppose that’s what’s most important in this project, is that I am doing a good job keeping up with my commitments to myself with the project itself.

January was all about maintaining my daily meditation, doing a daily stretching routine, and building in some creativity time into each day. I tried to dedicate at least 15 minutes each day to each of these activities. I’ll admit that some days I fudged a little and maybe meditated or stretched for only 10 or 12 minutes, but even on the short days it felt good. Creativity time kind of went the other direction. Creativity time has felt wonderful enough that there’s been quite a few days that I had to cut myself off after a few hours in favor of having dinner or maybe just going to bed. I’m also now the proud owner of a new paint by number of Van Gogh’s “Starry Night” which should provide me with entertainment for quite a while to come and several new skeins of yarn which also promise great fun.

February will be continuing much the same. I’ll keep meditating, stick to my creativity time, and continue to stretch every day. This month I’ll also cut out tv/videos for at least two days a week, other than those that I watch for work. I’ve had many times in my past when I had no television and didn’t watch videos on a computer. I’m seeing now that those have often been the happiest times of my life. Yet, I go to Netflix or Youtube or whatever online video source to numb my mind. So, it seems time to bring back the brain. I expect I’ll be listening to more audiobooks while playing with my art supplies and just doing more reading. Stay tuned for what comes next! What’s happening in your happiness journey?

Starting My Own Happiness Project in 2025

· Leave a comment ·
Starting 2025: Recognizing My Guides

Starting 2025: Recognizing My Guides

· 1 Comment ·

Early in her book “The Happiness Project”, Gretchen Rubin speaks to the overarching principles that seemed to emmerge for her. What she created were her own ‘ Twelve Commandments’ and a set of ‘Secrets of Adulthood’, tools that would guide and support her in reaching her goals in her happiness project. While I’m not quite connecting with either the ‘Twelve Commandments’ or the ‘Secrets of Adulthood’ structures as she framed them for myself, the idea of the overarching principles or guides makes sense to me so I’ve been asking myself what guides me in this journey of growing happier through my focus on creativity, health, spirit, and connection. Here’s what I’ve found. It is a list that will inevitably change with time and experiences, but these are my guides for life today. I hope these guides might provide something for you to meditate on as well. Please do share your thoughts in the comment section.

  • Imagine yourself looking down a long tunnel. At the end of that tunnel is a child, a baby. That baby is the seventh generation. When we do what is right for that child, we are doing what is right for the world around us: Miigwitch (thank you) to the Anishanaabe people especially my old friend Walt Bresette for sharing this.
  • Everyone a Learner, Everyone a Teacher, Everyone a Leader: Thank you to the Grassroots Leadership College which operated in Madison, Wisconsin from 2003-2012 for this piece. It means simply what it says. Some of my best teachers have been people who wouldn’t fit the conventional definition of teacher or leader which leads to–
  • What is logical depends on the person’s experience in the world: This wisdom comes from Luke, who was one of my favorite 2 year old’s in the childcare center that I worked in back in 2002. He just taught me that what he did wasn’t illogical. It made perfect sense, if I looked at the world from his angle.
  • How does this move the work forward?: I used to hate this question when my boss, Maureen O’Connell, aka Mo, would ask it at every check in session during my years as a community organizer with Save Our Cumberland Mountains (SOCM), but nearly 30 years later it still echoes in my mind and heart keeping me from running in circles.
  • Gentle on self: No great source on this one, just something I find myself saying to myself sometimes.
  • If I can’t dance, I don’t want to be part of your revolution: Okay, so Emma Goldman probably never said those words exactly but maybe she said something like it and expressed the idea. It is a great idea and I totally agree.

That’s it. At least that’s it for the moment. These are things that are guiding me today. What guides you? What supports you in growing your happiness? Share your thoughts in the comments.

My Own Happiness Project for 2025

· 2 Comments ·

I was struck by the idea of building on our happiness in such an intentional, step by step process and decided that with the new year coming it made sense to take it on myself. So, I got myself a wellness planner, started to think through my first areas of focus, and here I am getting started. I hope you’ll travel with me.

The Next Chapter

· Leave a comment ·

It’s hard to believe that I’ve not written in eight months. I had no idea it had been that long. It’s one of those things that seems as if it was only yesterday and at the same time feels a lifetime ago.

I got home from my travels in Europe to a stint of being underemployed that changed my life once again. Some people stay with jobs they don’t believe in and that tear apart their souls so they can be assured of a steady paycheck. That might be the smart thing to do for a lot of people, but it’s never been something that I could face. I’ve left good paying jobs because the organizations I worked for did things that were, in my view, morally unjust. Some groups I found mistreated workers, discriminated against people, or were racist and homophopic. I couldn’t stay with them and stay with myself. Other jobs ended just because in the nonprofit world sometimes there’s no money left and without money organizations stop operating and jobs end. In the case of Solace Friends, the group I worked with before I left for Europe, it was just a situation where it became clear to me that the organization needed something that wasn’t me and the work was going to burn me out like a candle lit at both ends. It couldn’t continue without me risking more seizures and burnout. It wasn’t worth it. So, I leapt into the unknown. After the vacation to Europe that I’d booked months earler, I returned to Madison and to no idea what would happen next.

What happened was dozens more resumes sent to everyone and their uncle followed by many interviews. Meanwhile, I started to sub in the Madison Metropolitan School District, mostly at Lowell Elementary as a Special Education Aide. The thing about subbing as an SEA in 2023 in Wisconsin, and in many other places I’m sure, is that a person can sub every day if they want. Schools are desperate for people to fill so many roles. I was lucky enough to find a long term subbing position that allowed me to work in the same school and with the same kids for weeks. It was a challenge. I had my favorite runners, little ones who’d simply run out of the classroom when they didn’t want to take part in activities any more. I had the kids who just didn’t want to deal with some support staff person trying to get them to go take their medicine and who’d mastered the great skill of talking back about everything. Then there were the ones who didn’t talk at all, those who hadn’t learned to speak yet. The kids trying to exist in our public school system when they were still non-verbal and operating developmentally years behind their peers.

I’ve been an activist and an organizer for a long time, about three decades as a matter of fact. Working with these kids isn’t changing the world in the big ways that I used to aim for, but it is much the same. It is changing the world for each of them through being there, caring, and taking the time to sit with them and figure out things together, so that they might become the person who can advocate for themselves.

So, it was there, at Lowell Elementary, spending time hanging out with those kids defined as having “special needs” that I turned the page to start my next chapter. After putting quite a bit of thought, I decided on a midlife career switch. I left the nonprofit world and applied to work for the Madison Metropolitan School District as a Cross-Categorical Teacher (what many may know as a Special Education Teacher). I started teaching this Fall at Mendota Elementary with a provisional teaching license while going to school to get my permanent license. It’s hard. There’s no doubt about that, but I am happy to have made the change and look forward to the chapters ahead. More stories to come.

Looking at Life’s Work

· Leave a comment ·

I was interviewing for a new job yesterday and was asked a question that while not totally unheard of was one I’d not heard often in job interviews that I’ve done either as the interviewer or the interviewee. I was asked how I identify myself or what I enjoy outside of my work life. What a wonderful question! Thank you for letting me know that you, as an employer, want to know me as a person that you value my work/life balance.

I grew up on a farm. My parents both grew up on farms as did their parents and their parents before them. For years I used that as a reason or maybe an excuse to devote my life to my work, putting in far more hours and more brain power than I was paid for. I would talk about how I grew up learning that farming wasn’t a job it was life’s work, and that’s what my work was as well.

Looking back now, I’m questioning what that “life’s work” means. Sure there is a lot about the work that simply needs to get done when it needs to get done no matter what. When the cows get out, you need to get them back in. There are no choices there. I think I misrepresented the 24/7 nature of “life’s work” types of jobs though. My Mom and Dad worked a lot, us kids spent our time helping out too. But, we also went swimming, watched tv together, took vacations, did all the things that others around us did that didn’t have “life’s work” kinds of jobs. The big difference between a job and life’s work isn’t the level of commitment, but the level of connection. For some farming is a job, a really hard job, for others it is life’s work. For me social justice is my life’s work.

I am thankful for this look at life’s work. It gives me a greater permission to take good care of myself as I move forward, continuing to do what can be very difficult and emotionally draining work. Today, I’m encouraging each of us whose had that great gift of being able to do the work that we feel called to, that we are connected to, that “life’s work” to celebrate that calling by caring for ourselves so that we might continue.